Healing – Chapter 3
By Sienn (2001)
Rating (for chapter): PG-13
Protagonists: Luke/Mara
Category: Angst/Romance
Series: Part II of "Soul's Trial" Trilogy
Time Frame: 26 A.Y. (immediately after "Soul's Trial I: Jedi Dawn")
Spoilers:
See Chapter 1
Disclaimer:
See Chapter 1
Chandrila, Day 2
Panic - it was all Luke felt when he stormed into the living room of the bungalow he and Mara inhabited on Chandrila and looked around frantically, not even knowing what exactly he was searching for.
Mara's voice still rang in his ears; his back and lower back tingled where her fingers had touched it. Why had she done this? Why? He loved her so much and was willing to do everything for her, just to make her stay with him, but he didn't know anymore what it was she wanted. That was why he had fled from her, back down at the beach.
Panting from the run that had exhausted him completely, he sunk onto the couch, swung his arms around his knees and closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm his heartbeat and to ease the urge to run as far as he could. He couldn't run - he couldn't run for all his life. And he didn't want to either. Mara was his wife. He would give his life for her - without hesitation, anytime the need should arise. Luke wanted nothing more than to see her happy and content and before they had come here, he had been so sure about how he could make her feel this way.
But within a few moments - with a simple touch and a simple question - she had managed to throw him into complete irritation. What did she want from him and what not? He had been insecure about that, more than ever, when she had snuggled up to him, when he had felt her hot body beside his - had wondered why she did this to him, always showing him what he couldn't have anymore.
But at least he had, in this little moment, still known what HE was supposed to do. He had known how he could pass her test, how he could keep her with him. But only a fraction of a second later, this knowledge had left him. The only thing he had known was what he WANTED to do - but it was obvious that just this would have driven her away from him again, as it had before. And Luke wouldn't break his vows – he would never do this, he had sworn this to himself and he intended to live according to this. He had thought it would be the guarantee to become happy, more or less, again. But it hadn't worked - not when there was this factor he couldn't rely on. Mara. She behaved completely unpredictably and he didn't know how to react to it.
It seemed to him like a play - everyone did just play with him. Elan had played with him. First she had been nice and helpful and then she had... Luke hid his face in his hands, feeling hot tears mix up with the cold, salty seawater that was still plastering his hair onto his head.
It was another panic attack - he knew those, had had to fight against them continuously, without anyone knowing. He doubted even Mara had noticed it - he had hidden it too well from everyone. And he wouldn't show it now - not now. What would she think of him, if she found him like this? She would despise him even more than she already did. He gave a bitter, shaky laugh, staring at the empty chimney without really seeing anything. After the show he had given her down at the beach, she probably couldn't care less about anything he did.
No matter what she had wanted from him there, what she had expected, he hadn't given it to her - he had failed her, once again. Perhaps he was simply incapable of behaving in a way that someone would love him? Perhaps all his efforts were completely in vain?
Clasping his hands tightly to stop the trembling, he shook his head. He just didn't know what to do. He was afraid that he had pushed Mara away from him entirely with this latest disaster, that he was going to be alone again. Yet, he was even more frightened of her coming back, of having to face her again and to think about a proper way to behave with her.
In this moment, he wished desperately for Han to be there, or Leia. Someone he could ask what to do. But there was no one, absolutely no one. And upon becoming aware of this, Luke just didn't manage anymore to fight against the emotions that battled for release.
With a low cry, he sunk to the side, curling up into a ball and weeping without caring that he was wet through to his bones.
**~
When Mara stepped onto the bungalow's terrace, she slowed down a little bit, breathing deeply and staring through the glass doors into the living room. Her husband was nowhere to see and Mara frowned worriedly. She still felt a little shaky after what had just happened at the beach.
Luke's reaction had shocked and terrified her - the fear and irritation she had felt coming from him had seemed so unnatural to her, so curious, so incomprehensible. And yet these feelings were there, almost thick enough to grasp, telling him what to do and how to react. For him, everything had to be logical, but for Mara, it made no sense. Not at all. She couldn't for the life of her interpret why he behaved like this.
Several possibilities had sprung to Mara's mind while she had followed him at a small distance, wanting to give him some time to cool down, to find his composure again. She had tried to take the problem from an analytic point of view, contemplating what she knew for sure about Luke's condition. It hadn't been much before and wasn't much more now. The only thing that was clear now, without any room for doubt, was that he was afraid of her touches. Of her advances towards him.
He couldn't have misinterpreted her touches down at the beach for any sort of torture. On the contrary, Mara was quite sure that he had known exactly what it was she had wanted to do. And that had frightened him so much that he had seen no other option than escape. Flight. In total panic.
Mara closed her eyes for a moment, biting her lower lip. The implications of this were almost too much for her to bear. Could it be that Elan had... touched him like this while he was with her - that she had touched him against his will? Mara felt herself shake with rage at the mere thought. If this witch had dared to do that to her husband…. Giving a frustrated sigh, Mara's tensed shoulders relaxed. If she had indeed done this, then Mara could exact not the slightest revenge on her. Elan was dead - for her taste, she had died far too fast and easily.
The big question was what Mara should do if the Vong priestess had done this sort of thing to Luke. All this looked more and more like a situation Mara couldn't face alone anymore. Luke's fears were profound and his mind was closed to her in a way that made talking to him a very dangerous thing. It was easy to startle him, to frighten him. As long as she hadn't figured out what was going on in his head, she wouldn't make any progress with helping him.
There was a misunderstanding between them, but of which kind she was not sure. If Elan had indeed abused him, then why didn't he tell Mara at least that he didn't want to be touched in any form? Why did he accept her caressing his cheek if he was afraid of her touching his back, kissing his shoulder? It didn't fit together. Not at all. It was highly frustrating and Mara felt the urge to smash something.
Judging that this could wait until later, she took a last breath, then opened the glass doors and stepped into the house, looking around, searching for any sign of her husband. At first, she couldn't see anything that indicated that he had been here since they had left together for the beach. Mara had already begun to worry that he might have not returned here, that he might have run to somewhere else, when she heard a low sob coming from the chimney's direction.
Swallowing, she made her way over to the couch, rounding it. She didn't know what she had expected, but the sight before her made her freeze where she stood, in helplessness, shock and insecurity. Luke crouched at the far end of the furniture, curled up in a foetal position, trembling and sobbing violently while he kept on shaking his head.
Feeling self-conscious for the first time in a couple of years, Mara stepped closer, sank onto the sofa and hesitantly extended a hand. "Luke?" she whispered softly, touching his shoulder hesitantly. He sat straight upright the second her fingers made contact with his unprotected skin that was still damp from their swimming excursion and stared at her, eyes wide open and red-rimmed.
He didn't say a word, just stared at her, his lips trembling. Otherwise, he was rigid and tense, but Mara wasn't in the mood for admiring his well-muscled chest and the delicateness of his shoulders.
"Luke, I'm sorry," she said, with a voice as strong as she could muster in these circumstances. Luke's eyes widened even more; he frowned, clutching the legs of his trousers.
"You're sorry?" he repeated, his voice raspy and small. And irritated.
Mara nodded, taking his left hand carefully into hers and trying to focus his eyes on her. She felt his fingers tremble in her grasp and tried to send him reassuring thoughts, but he was blocked from her. Not willingly, of this she was sure. There was no coordinated resistance she met, only confusion that kept her from touching his soul, entering his mind.
This had to work through words only, a fact that let Mara seriously fear she couldn't accomplish this.
"Yes, Luke, I'm sorry. It was my fault." When he didn't jump away from her immediately, she felt considerably encouraged and even dared extend one of her hands, cupping his cheek and caressing it, feeling the wetness on it.
He was still staring at her, his eyes glittering with unshed tears, focussing on her face, unbelieving and startled. "Your fault?" he echoed, his breathing becoming faster.
Mara did notice it, but hadn't any clue as to what it meant, what he thought, what moved his soul at this moment. Everything she could think of was to reassure him that she didn't blame him for anything.
"My fault," she repeated, smiling at him, hoping that it looked as encouraging and loving as it was intended to be.
**~
'Her fault?!' Luke screamed mentally, feeling completely at a loss. What had she done wrong? He had done everything wrong, hadn't he? Hadn't he?
It was too much for him to comprehend. Everything was so complicated since they had saved him from Elan. Everything was so strange; nothing ever was as Luke expected it to be. He didn't know how to sort through it and at this moment, he didn't even want to. It hurt too much, it was too exhausting, too frightening.
He stared at his wife, seeing her smile, feeling her hand - her hand and her expectation. She expected him to do something - again. But what?
Luke didn't know what he was supposed to do here and already he felt the cold hand of panic pressing down on him. Suddenly he had the feeling of lacking oxygen, of suffocating. He wanted to cry, to shout, but he couldn't do that with Mara sitting in front of him, expecting him to do something else.
Irritated beyond reason, Luke did the only thing that came to his mind - he recoiled into himself.
**~
Mara saw the change in his eyes immediately. Dreamy and sleepily, he nodded at her last comment and sank back down again, staring at the wall.
For a moment, she sat helpless, not knowing what to do now. It was not hard to see that he had fled the scene, had fled the confrontation, if that was what it had been for him, and had withdrawn into his own world.
Feeling that prodding wouldn't bring her anything, she rose, grabbed a blanket from the opposite end of the couch and covered Luke, who hadn't bothered to put a shirt on. Leaning down and caressing through his still slightly damp hair, she said softly: "I'm going to make us something for dinner, ok?" He just nodded, probably hadn't even registered what she had said.
Mara kneeled down, sighing, and took once again one of his hands. He was unresponsive, his eyes blinking slowly open and closed. "Luke, I don't understand you," she murmured, kissing the tip of his nose and leaning her forehead onto his. He didn't show any reaction, just shifted a little.
Swallowing down a huge lump that had formed in her throat, Mara decided to just ask him now - if it was true, he would somehow react to it. If not - well, she wasn't sure what he would do, but anything would be better than this.
"Luke, please, I must know what's wrong with you," she whispered into his ear, waiting for a reaction. As none came, she continued. "I know that you don't want to talk about it, but..." She paused, hesitating to say it aloud, but finally mustering the bravery necessary for it, "if Elan has touched you, if it's because of this that you ran from me down there… you have to tell me if she has done that. You must tell me about it." Hearing her voice break, she added a despairing: "Please."
Mara waited for another few minutes, but her husband didn't seem to be willing to break his silence, to leave the place he had sought shelter in. Defeated, Mara rose and went over to the kitchenette. No matter whether he talked or not, he had to eat something. The afternoon had been a strain for him.
**~
It wasn't until two hours later that Mara entered the living room again. She had tried to assemble all her not too vast knowledge about cooking and recipes and had brought up a real Tatooine meal, which she had figured Luke would like more. It was nothing special, rather modest, but that was what he had grown up on and she hoped it would be something that would register with him in some way or the other.
When she approached the couch, she noticed that he hadn't moved an inch. His eyes were closed, his features expressionless and his breathing soft and deep. She had read about conditions like this, but it had always been in relation to shock patients. Trauma patients.
Perhaps she had to finally face the truth - Luke was a trauma patient. Everything that had happened since Ithor had eaten its way into his soul, had hurt it and left deep scars. Deep scars that she possibly couldn't heal as easily as she had thought. She had thought her presence and her love would be everything he needed to get back to his old self - but there was more to his problems than met the eye. They were deeper and his thoughts went through curves and turns she couldn't relate to, she didn't comprehend.
He opened his eyes immediately when she said his name and nodded when she told him dinner was ready. Except for this, he didn't do anything else, not even acknowledge her with a single look. Mara had no choice but to accept it - the last thing she would do was force Luke into anything. Elan had done that too much.
But throughout the evening, she despaired more and more, seeing herself confronted with a man she couldn't handle anymore. He moved like a sleepwalker, ate just a few pieces of meat and vegetables, and didn't even drop a word about whether he liked it or not.
Luke didn't answer her when she asked him something directly, didn't engage in the discussion she wanted to begin with him. When he had finished his meal, he just sat there staring at the table, his hands in his lap - looking as if he was still asleep. And pprobably his mind was. Sleeping deeply to avoid whatever it was that had troubled him.
When she returned from the kitchenette where she had stowed the dishes into the washer, she only found an empty room and when she finally sat down on her bed, Luke was lying pale and curled into a ball under his covers, faced away from her.
Mara switched the lights off and stared at the ceiling, where the ever-moving waves and the moonlight wove soft, silver patterns. He was almost catatonic. Whatever she had done, she had pushed him over the edge and she wasn't able to bring him back again.
Choking back tears, she rolled over and closed her eyes. She had to stay in good shape, for Luke's sake. To be there for him whenever he needed her. But perhaps it was time to share the responsibility - perhaps it was time for her to seek professional help with this. Even if Luke wouldn't want that.
Her heart heavy and sad, Mara willed herself into sleep.
**~
She had no clue how long she had actually slept when a low groan made her eyes snap open. Disoriented, she stared out of the window, which she faced, seeing the moonlight reflected on the railing of the terrace's balcony. The night seemed calm, almost eerily so, and for a moment, she wondered whether her mind had played a trick on her and the sound she had heard had belonged to some sort of dream.
But only a moment later, it repeated itself, louder this time - a moan of agony, of pain. A moan that caame from the bed one and a half meters beside her. Jumping to her feet, she made her way over to it, trying to recognise something in the near-darkness that enveloped the room.
There was nothing indicating any movement, not even the shuffling sound of bed covers. Had it only been a small part of a dream that had disturbed Luke's sleep for a second or two? She had already wanted to turn around and go back to bed when another moan escaped her husband, more desperate and more pain filled than those before.
"Luke?" she queried quietly into the darkness. The only answer was a moan, a moan that was almost a cry already and made a shiver run down Mara's spine. Drawing on the Force, she flipped the lights on, revealing a scene that let her gasp and rush to her love's side.
His eyes closed, the most terrified and pained expression that she had seen since she had confronted him on the Millennium Falcon, after the rescue, graced his face. His head was pressed firmly onto the mattress, as if held there by invisible hands, and his arms and legs were cramped into a rigid, stiff position. Shivers racked his whole body. After a few seconds, he twitched violently, another moan sounding through the otherwise quiet night.
"Luke? Luke, come on, wake up. Wake up!" she demanded, seizing him by the shoulders and trying to shake him awake. The only thing she achieved with this was to make him panic. With a cry that made her jump away in surprise, he began to kick and punch around, while his head rested like it was pinned down on the pillow.
"Luke, you're dreaming! Do you hear me? You're only dreaming!" she yelled, trying desperately to restrain him in any way, working her way onto his stomach. But as soon as she pressed his arms down onto the bed, he began to toss around, trying to push her off of himself.
"No! No! Please not, no!" he murmured in between screams - terrified screams. There was no chance she would get him out of this nightmare with words.
Bracing herself, she murmured softly: "Please forgive me, Luke." Then she backhanded him as forcefully as she dared, snapping his head around. She had no idea whether she had managed to bring him back to his senses or whether he still experienced this as if it was part of his dream, but he suddenly went lax under her, his screams and moans subsiding to low whimpering that cut right into her heart.
He still trembled and his eyes were closed. Mara found herself staring in shock at him. His forehead was covered with a fine sheen of sweat, and his breath was fast and haggard. His lips were slightly parted. He suffered - Luke suffered as if his dream was reality. A sob escaping her own lips, Mara crawled under his covers and swung her arm around his chest, feeling his heart hammering against his ribs as if he had just run a marathon.
Snuggling up to him, she rested her chin on his left shoulder and began to murmur: "Sh. Everything's ok, Luke. That's not real. Do you hear me? You're dreaming. You're dreaming."
She didn't know for how long she continued this, for how long she just held him, quiet tears running down her cheeks while she listened to his sounds of pain and fear, when he suddenly jolted upright, his eyes settling on her and not recognising her for the first moment.
He shied a few inches away, turning his head frantically around, obviously trying to orient himself. Then, finally, after a few stunned seconds, he locked his gaze on her, noticing her tear-streaked face.
"Why have you cried?" he asked quietly, tilting his head and extending a hand to caress her cheek. She pressed her face into his palm, not knowing what to reply. He sounded curious, as if he still hadn't fully acknowledged what had happened. Only his paleness and his trembling lips told her that he remembered this dream - that he remembered everything that had been done to him.
"Have I made you cry?" Luke's voice sounded timid, afraid and ashamed and dragged Mara out of her quiet sobs. She hopped to him and laid her hands onto his cheeks, shaking her head. "No," she croaked, kissing his forehead, not minding the sweat. "No, Luke. No, you haven't made me cry." She assured him, feeling him relax somewhat. He even let her press him to herself for a few moments, then made himself free and recoiled to the head of the bed, never leaving Mara with his eyes.
For quite a time, she met his gaze, wondering what he was thinking and finally deciding that this was her last chance to help him alone. The last chance to spare him the humiliation of having to tell all this to someone he didn't know at all. The humiliation of showing someone who didn't know this side of Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master.
"Luke, you must tell me what you've dreamt," she admonished, her voice gentle, but her gaze fierce and demanding. He still stared at her, an irritated smile creasing his lips. "I don't want you to know this. I don't want anyone to know this," he whispered.
Mara shook her head, crawling over to him and laying an arm around his shoulders. He gazed at her arm, then at her, the smile growing in size and puzzlement.
"It's eating you, Luke. You have to talk about it - you can only forget it if you talk about it." She caressed his cheek, turning his head to her - this startledness worried her. It seemed to increase, not diminish. Could it be that he was in shock? Could that really be? From a nightmare?
Luke seemed not to have heard her, his eyes travelling over her face, this baffled smile resting on his lips. He laughed quietly, then settled his head onto her shoulder and crawled closer to her. Mara suppressed another sob and began to caress his hair, rocking him softly back and forth.
For Mara, it was a small eternity until he finally said something. The casualness and calm with which he uttered the words did nothing to ease the terror she felt upon hearing them.
"I dreamt about how they made that hole."
His wife needed a moment to understand what he meant by this. When it finally clicked, she felt herself gape in horror. If he had dreamt about it, then that must mean that he had actually been aware of it!
"Luke.." she began, but was cut off when he continued.
"She told me all the time what she was doing. She told me what the sign meant. How far she was, when she would be through the bone." His voice broke for a moment and she felt as he buried his face in her nightgown, clinging tightly to her.
Mara couldn't do anything else but stroke his back, trying to ease the pain, to make the memories vanish.
When he continued, his voice was small and filled with wonderment. "I couldn't move - I just couldn't. She held my head in her lap and I felt like she... like she'd rip my brain out."
She kissed the crown of his head, offering him silent support, feeling that there were no words that could ease his pain.
"You know, she had this pincer implanted in her finger and she..." he laughed quietly, sounding slightly crazy, but she felt only an eerie calm in his soul. "She just pushed it into my forehead. Just like that." He rolled over, staring at her, seemingly not believing his own words.
She caressed his face while he continued to tell about what had happened. Everything he could remember, from the very beginning up to the very end, where he had given up the control over his body to hide his soul from the membrane that wanted to erase it.
He even shared with her his memories of the moments when Elan had sneaked up into the laboratory and settled down beside him, telling him about what she intended to do with him, why she had chosen him and what his life as her familiar would be like.
And he shared the teachings of the tizowyrm - the stupid mantras of being nothing, of living to serve.
After hours - at least it felt like hours to both of them - he finished, staring at her, his face s the colour of a pearl shimmering in the moonlight. Silent tears glittered on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Luke," Mara finally brought out, bringing his hand to her lips and kissing his fingertips.
He smiled, genuinely, and seemed to be more relaxed than ever since she had been reunited with him. "You don't have to be. It was my own stupidity. I should have never trusted Elan."
Mara gave a bitter laugh, her voice trembling: "But you did it for me. You wanted to find a cure for me. Even after I left you like that." She stared at the ceiling, shaking her head mentally and wondering how she had deserved such a man after what she had done.
Luke was quiet for a long while, then she felt him taking her hand and squeezing it slightly: "I vowed to never repeat the mistakes that made you leave. And I won't break this vow, Mara."
Mara's head snapped back down, her eyes narrowing and focussing on her husband. Luke frowned and shifted uneasily, withdrawing his hand.
"What vow?" his wife asked, pushing a few stray hairs behind her ear, her voice suspicious. Luke just gazed at her, all of a sudden watchful again. He contemplated her features for a moment, then rose and brought some distance between them.
"You don't have to test me like this, Mara," he said gently. "You can be sure that I'll respect your wishes."
Mara frowned now, too, trying to comprehend his line of thinking. It wasn't that easy. "What wishes?" she queried, tilting her head and watching his expression change to slight desperation.
"Why can't you just believe me? Why do you always test me? I don't understand that," he murmured, shaking his head.
Mara felt her breath fasten. She was close, she felt it. She was close to this ominous misunderstanding that kept tearing them apart.
"What should I believe? What?"
Luke's lips began once again to tremble, but he met her stare bravely and said with an even voice: "That I know what you feel towards me and that I accept it."
"Luke, I LOVE you. You knew that before."
Her husband stared at her in shock, jumping to his feet, backing away. "No," he mumbled, stumbling away from her, in the window's direction. "No," he repeated.
Mara stared at him, no less shocked, and rose slowly, feeling panic build up with him anew. "Yes, I love you. Whatever made you think I don't? That I went to Dathomir? That I left you on Ithor?"
"No, no!" he exclaimed, backing farther away and meeting resistance. Helplessly pressing himself against the wall, he tried to avoid her gaze.
"Luke, I love you! I never said I don't!" she insisted.
That seemed to enrage him. Nodding frantically, he made a few steps towards her. "You did... you did. You did say that you don't want a child with me!" he nodded again, underlining his statement, his eyes stubbornly staring at her, daring her to challenge his words. Mara wouldn't have known what to say anyway.
Luke smiled triumphantly: "You see? You see, I don't break my vow. I'll never break my vow. I'll respect your wishes."
"For Force's sake, what wishes?" she cried out, clutching his wrists so hard that he twitched in surprise.
"I have accepted that you don't want me," he finally stated, carefully freeing his wrists and retreating towards his bed, sitting down and then looking up at her.
It took Mara a few seconds to grasp the meaning of those words - the full meaning of those words. Finally, everything that had caused her so many headaches seemed awfully clear to her. Her teasing when she had found him sleeping on their very first day here hadn't been teasing to him. He had taken it seriously, had taken it as a proof, a reminder, that she didn't want him near her. That she just was here, perhaps, to help him until he was better.
His fear to contradict her, his shyness when she touched him - his irritation upon every loving gesturee towards him.
For him, she must have behaved totally contradictory all this time. No wonder that he had been so nervous, so insecure. He had been sure that she didn't want him around and she had at times acted as if that were true - thinking he'd need the time alone. He had taken it as refusal of himself.
"I can understand you, you know," he said suddenly, into the eerie silence.
"What?" she breathed, her voice low and feeble in face of the depth of this misunderstanding.
"Well,.." he once again sought her gaze, smiling this shy smile, "it was dumb of me to think that you'd like to have a child with me. That I could make you happy. I'm always thinking dumb things, you know." He paused and with his next words, tears came and ran freely once again.
"It's just... it's just that I wish it so much."
Mara opened her mouth, trying to find a word to say, but her brain let her down. Instead, she went over to him, sat down beside him, and kissed his tears away. One by one, tenderly and softly. "Mara... you don't have to do..." "Sh," she murmured, closing his mouth with her own. He was far too surprised to react on that in any way. But he didn't flee either.
She leant her forehead against his, caressing his neck and looking squarely into his eyes. "Luke, you are totally wrong. I love you - more than anything. And I'm sorry for what I said. I was not serious - I was angry, I did want to go and wanted it to be easier for you. Please. I was not serious. You're my everything. I love you."
"But... but..." her husband stammered, another world shattering before his eyes. Luke would do everything to make this be true, to believe this, but the doubt was still there. Back in his head, making him insecure, making him bite his lower lip and shake his head. "That can't be," he whispered softly.
"Believe me, Luke. I'd never lie to you - not anymore. I love you." Uttering these words, Mara prodded at his soul, demanding entrance and finally, when he granted it, let all her feelings, her regret, her love pour into him.
Luke's eyes widened, but this time not in a frightened way. He was surprised, delighted almost, opened his mouth to say something, but didn't get a chance. Mara crushed his mouth with hers and for the first time in months, they shared a real kiss - deep, tender and passionate. That they both cried was something they didn't even fully register. They sank back onto the bed, clinging to each other.
It was Luke who finally ended the kiss, smiling broadly, happily, and whispered: "Don't ever leave me again." Mara just shook her head and shifted a little to make him comfortable when he settled his head onto her chest and closed his eyes.
Entangled, pressed together, their hearts beating in unison, they lay there for a long time. Mara just enjoyed feeling how his soul relaxed along with his body when his breathing became slower and he finally fell into an exhausted, deep slumber. Only when she was sure he was asleep did she close her eyes and followed him in seconds, feeling that now everything would become well again.
Though there was still a long way to go - he was still self-conscious. She had felt that when he had ended the kiss, had felt his short fear at her possibly demanding more. His self-respect had suffered a great deal and it would be a challenge for her to rebuild it again. A challenge she would happily take, though. It could only get better.